Anyone who has been married for even a little while can tell you marriage

isn't always easy. Actually, a successful marriage takes a lot of hard work.

Many times the underlying problems and stresses encountered in a marriage are

related to communication: miscommunication, misunderstanding, or pure and simple

lack of communication.

Often, things that should have or could have been discussed prior to getting

married never were -- and then become a source of conflict.

Take a few minutes to sit down with your partner and ask each other the

following questions. You might be surprised at what you hear for answers.

1. Will we keep our money in joint or individual accounts?
2. What kinds of things will we talk about first before buying?
3. Who is going to be in charge of paying bills and other expenses?
4. How much time do we expect to spend with each other and when?
5. Where will we live?
6. Will it be a big place or small place? How much room do we need?
7. How much will be able to afford?
8. Will we rent an apartment or do we want to buy a house?
9. How will we do that? How long will it take?
10. How will our careers affect our relationship?
11. What if one of us had a career opportunity that required a move to a new

    city (or country)?

12. What if one of us, or both of us got fired or laid-off?
13. How important is money to our relationship and marriage?
14. What type of material possessions are important to you (each other)?
15. What is your definition of financial security?
16. How much is enough for a "safety net" or "rainy day" fund?
17. How will we put that away?
18. Will we invest our savings?
19. How much of our income will we save or invest?
20. Where and how?
21. Will we go shopping for food together?
22. Will we have a special "night" together that we always plan? Once a

    week, once a month?

23. Will we go out, or stay in?
24. Who is responsible for cooking or will we share that and how?
25. Do we have conflicting ideas of style?
26. What are our individual goals and objectives related to our careers and

    jobs?

27. When do we want to retire, with how much money, and how will we spend

    our time after retirement?

28. How often do you like to go out with your friends alone?
29. How often will we go out with friends together?
30. Will we entertain with friends often? Or infrequently?
31. What about our personalities is different and might be a source of

    conflict?

32. What do you like, or dislike about my family?
33. Is our individual relationship with our family going to stay the same,

    or might it change?

34. How will we share time with our families during the holidays?
35. Define good sex and what a good sexual relationship means?
36. How often do we each expect to have sex?
37. What if we're not in "synch" or ready for sex?
38. How do we deal with each other's sexual expectations and needs?
39. What is your definition of great sex?
40. Is sex important to us in this relationship and how or why?
41. What if one of us doesn't want to have sex, how will we deal with that?
42. Will one feel rejected or hurt? Will we talk about it? How will we deal

    with that?

43. How do you like to be touched? What do you like? What don't you like?
44. Describe your idea of the ultimate sexual experience -- is it romantic,

    is it spontaneous?

45. Will we have children? When and how many?
46. If one of us already has children, how do you expect the other to act or

    treat the other's children?

47. Will they call you "Dad" or "Mom"?
48. What will we do if we can't have children together (adoption, other

    options)?

49. What if one of us wants to have children and the other isn't sure or

    doesn't want to?

50. How might having children change our relationship and the time we spend

    alone with each other?

51. How might things around the house/home change once a child is born?
52. Who will wake up at 2am when the baby is crying?
53. Will one of us give up our career to stay home with our child/children?
54. What will our parents (grandparents) expect or want from us and how much

    time will they want to spend with the children?

55. If one of us was previously married, how does the other feel about the

    ex-wife / husband?

56. Is he/she a source of conflict? How do they or might they affect our

    relationship?

57. How will we manage that?
58. Will we go on vacations together, how often, where and when?
59. Might we go on vacation or away with friends or family without each

    other?

60. What do you love about me?
61. Why are you marrying me?
62. How might previous relationships we've had affect our marriage, if at

    all?

63. What if an old boyfriend/girlfriend calls? What if we bumped into one on

    the street? How would you feel?

64. What about me drives you crazy or makes you frustrated?
65. When we have an argument or conflict, what is generally the reason

    behind it? And why is this the case?

66. Would you be willing to go to marriage counseling if we were having

    problems?

67. How would we know we're having problems ahead of time and what would we

    do about it?

68. How would we deal with something before it's "too late"?