consider these 10 tips.
- Plan on being overwhelmed. No matter how checked-off your to-do list is,
overwhelm is unavoidable on your wedding day. Your wedding is nothing short
of life-changing. You won't be able to predict your emotional state that
day, so prepare for lots of feelings, all at once. You can plan to be
peaceful and calm, but you may be hyper and giddy, sad and weepy, scared and
lonely, angry and fidgety. Or all of the above, all at once. And that will
equal overwhelm.
- Diminish the effects of Bride Brain. In your non-wedding life, how do
you react under extreme stress? Do you get weepy? Helpless? Neurotic? Angry?
Clumsy? Obsessive? Forgetful? On your wedding day, these reactions will only
be magnified -- big time. If you get clumsy when nervous, stay away from
glass and sharp objects. Don't drive. (No kidding!) Are you forgetful?
Assume you can't complete even one simple task. Delegate. Do you lash out?
If so, truthfully acknowledge this about yourself. What steps can you take
to prevent bad bride behavior?
- Enlist one solid girlfriend. I tell each bride who takes my workshops
that it's essential to have a solid, grounded girlfriend at her side on her
wedding day. Not a mother. Not a sister. A girlfriend. Why? Your girlfriend
isn't caught up in your family drama. She intuitively knows how best to take
care of you. She protects you from stupid questions and stupid people. She
knows when you need her to be quiet, and when you need her to talk. A
girlfriend puts herself second on your wedding day, so she can be there for
you 100%.
- Practice being overwhelmed. Yes, practice. At your bridal shower, when
you are the center of attention, notice your behavior and inner emotional
reactions. Do you like who you are and how you behave? Or not? Now, imagine
turning up the heat on those feelings by 100 degrees, and you'll get an
approximation of how you may feel on your wedding day. If necessary, figure
out how you can behave in a way that makes you happy and proud of yourself.
- Connect with your fiancé. Each day of your wedding weekend, steal time
away to deeply connect with each other. Focus. Gaze into each other's eyes.
Feel your love. All the wedding hoopla is about your union, so feel united!
(I say this because I don't want anyone to be like one newlywed I recently
counseled. She felt so disconnected from her brand new husband that during
their first dance she "faked being happy." So, so sad.)
- Allow your wedding to take on a life of its own. Do your planning, but
when the Big Day arrives, let your wedding be what it wants to be. A major
life event like this will have its own personality, rhythm, and soul. These
magical, intangible elements can't be planned to death; they happen. Make
room.
- Let go of perfectionism and be delighted by spontaneity. My fiancé and I
gave our DJ a very strict list of "Play" and "DO NOT PLAY" songs. As we went
to cut the cake, a drippy solo saxophone began warbling. "Did we ask for
this?" my new husband asked. "Oh my God, is that Kenny G???" I gasped.
Stunned and slightly embarrassed, I started marching across the dance floor
to unplug the sound system. But my husband stopped me, and we went on to cut
the cake, laughing at the ridiculous "not-us" cheeziness of the music.
Today, the photos and the memories of that Kenny G moment are some of our
most treasured, charming, and beloved. We could never have planned it that
way. Never.
- Be emotionally connected to yourself. A bride in one of my The Emotions
of Being Engaged workshop said, "I know I won't really be able to visit with
my guests. I'm going to tell them, 'See you Sunday, when it's over.'" I
completely disagreed with her. I believe that if you are emotionally
connected to yourself, then you will be able to authentically connect with
your guests. Your interactions -- even the very brief ones -- will be true
and real, and your guests will feel connected to (and visited by) you.
- Create an image of the bride you want to be. Before your wedding, take
some time to reflect and ask yourself, "What kind of bride to I want to be?"
List adjectives, attributes, and behaviors. Is being serene of utmost
importance? Or is having a rowdy, fun time? For me, being emotionally
authentic was paramount. I wanted to fully experience all the emotions --
even the difficult ones -- of that intense day of my life. And I did. I
cried and felt deep sadness about leaving my life as a single woman; I felt
fear and anxiety about leaving my family and leaping into the unknown that
is marriage; and I felt sheer, unadulterated joy. Feelings at full throttle
-- just what I wanted. Ask yourself, what kind of bride do you want to be?
What can you do to make that happen? Begin to imagine it now.
- Be the bride you want to be. Will the Bridezilla awaken in you? Or not?
It's your choice. Make yourself proud and make yourself happy. Be the bride
you want to be.
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