You've been friends with the groom since you both were in kindergarten and he

has just asked you to be his best man. You've been hoping ever since he

announced his engagement that he would choose you; so why instead of enjoying

the moment, are you suddenly filled with dread? Because you just remembered you

have to give a toast. Sure, you're not the only one toasting the happy couple --

the maid of honor and their parents will take their turns. But let's face it,

you are the first guy at bat, and that's a big responsibility.

So where do you begin? Wedding expert, Sharon Naylor, author of the book,

Your Special Wedding Toast (Sourcebooks, 2004), says to start by remembering the

four basic components of a good toast. It should be:

• Sentimental
• Humorous
• Engaging
• Brief

The most beautiful sentiment you can express is to discuss what change you've

seen in the couple since they met. As Sharon puts it, "Words last longer than

any gift. The words you speak for the couple will not only be recorded, but

remembered."

When you think about adding humor, remember that everyone has a different

idea about what's funny and what isn't. Keep in mind that you are speaking to a

wide demographic and some people will take what you say very seriously. It's

best to always remain proper and gracious. Don't share any embarrassing stories.

Be yourself. Sharon recommends that you don't look for a very formal script

from a book if you aren't a formal person. Make sure your toast sounds like you.

There are lots of ways to personalize your toast to keep the audience engaged.

She suggests doing something as simple as researching how to say "Cheers" in the

native languages of both the bride and groom's ancestors.

Above all, remember to keep your toast very, very short. Sharon says, "Don't

think of it as a half hour presentation like you give at work." However, you

must be sure that you welcome the guests and thank them for coming. You may not

be the host, but acknowledging your audience is a great way to get their

attention.

Sharon cautions not to try to write your toast the night before the wedding.

She recommends that you start well in advance with a brainstorming session.

Write down any ideas that come to you. They don't have to be in any particular

order. Then put the toast away for a while and re-visit it in a week or so. See

what you want to keep. Put it away a second time and come back to it in a week

or so. Whatever stays with you on the third look should be included in your

toast. Sharon calls this "marinating over it."

You shouldn't be afraid to go with your feelings. If you get choked up when

you are speaking, don't worry about it; it's a real moment. As Sharon puts it,

"Everyone there is pulling for you; it is not a harsh critic crowd."